#hum

Rincewind gave his fingers a long shocked stare, as one might regard a gun that has been hanging on the wall for decades and has suddenly gone off and perforated the cat. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

Such bees! Bilbo had never seen anything like them. "If one were to sting me," He thought "I should swell up as big as I am! ↗

— J.R.R. Tolkien

#humor #swelling #humor

I'm stupid. I can never think of something... ↗

— Piedad Ornelas

#humor #retard #sisters-in-crime #stupidity #humor

Stairs. This is Hell. Hell is stairs, was all Theo could think. I'd sell my soul for a goddamn elevator. But I don't have a soul, do I? I'm some kind of fairy. Okay, settle for an escalator, then. ↗

— Tad Williams

#humor

Come with me," he said quietly and extended his hand. "Nuh-uh." I shook my head, scooting in the opposite direction . "I don't think so, All American Hero. ↗

— J.A. Saare

#humor

Gwen Cassidy needed a man. Desperately. Failing that, she'd settle for a cigarette. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#highlander #humor #humor

Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’s penis would be larger than your penis. ↗

— David Wong

#humor

Just so I'm clear...you thought a brothel would be a suitable place to host a birthday party for a woman? ↗

— Lindsay Buroker

#humor

If you hear voices, you’re a lunatic. If you write down what they say, you’re an author. ↗

— Dani Harper

#humor #novelist #writing #humor

That's right, bitch. Goldie Schwartz. And I'm not a fucking midget. I prefer the term 'fun sized'. ↗

— Jaye Wells

#silver-tongued-devil #humor