#hum

In any case, it's the cowardice of people like you who give dictators the chance to install themselves! ↗

— Marjane Satrapi

#memoir #young_adult #humor

And he gave it for his opinion, "that whoever could make two ears of corn, or two blades of grass, to grow upon a spot of ground where only one grew before, would deserve better of mankind, and do more essential service to his country, than the whole race of politicians put together. ↗

— Jonathan Swift

#humor #politics #humor

You're a very odd man," said Bert. "I get that more often than you'd think," replied Charles. ↗

— James A. Owen

#sanity #humor

Hold on to your friends. Resist - or move on Be mad, be rash Smoke and explode Sell all of your clothes Just bear in mind: There just might come a time When you need some friends ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor

Bell seated himself behind the desk, motioning for Nancy to stand opposite him. There was tense silence for a moment. Then Bell reached for a desk telephone. "I am going to call the police, Miss Drew, and turn you over to them on a charge of trespassing, breaking, and entering with an attempt to steal." "I wish you would," Nancy replied. "if it is possible over that dummy telephone. ↗

— Carolyn Keene

#humor

The scientific method is nothing more than a system of rules to keep us from lying to each other. ↗

— Ken Norris

#fluke #humor #science #humor

Here's your first problem," he said, pointing at a sentence. "'Religion is the opium of the people.' Well, I don't know about people, but I think you'll find that the opium of pirates is actual opium. ↗

— Gideon Defoe

#humor #karl-marx #opium #pirates #humor

She suggested we 'crouch' buck nekkid on the bed or a dresser and leap out at him from the shadows. Now, my husband can't see all that well in the dark. I think if he comes into a darkened bedroom and finds 140 pounds of cellulite hurtling through space at him, he's going to run like the devil. ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#marriage #sex #humor

Sometimes a majority simply means that all the fools are on the same side. ↗

— Claude C. McDonald

#humor

WHERE did you say it was?' asked Pooh. Just here,' said Eeyore. Made of sticks?' Yes' Oh!' said Piglet. What?' said Eeyore. I just said "Oh!"' said Piglet nervously. And so as to seem quite at ease he hummed Tiddely-pom once or twice in a what-shall-we-do-now kind of way. ↗

— A.A. Milne

#humor