#hum

Sing a song of suspense in which the players die. Four and twenty ravens in an Edgar Allan Pie. When the pie was broken, the ravens couldn't sing. Their throats had been sliced open by Stephen, the new King. The King was in his writing house, stifling a laugh While his queen was in a tizzy of her bloody Lovecraft. When the dead maid got the garden for her rank as royal whore, King's shovel made it double and he married nevermore. ↗

— Jessica McHugh

#humor #poe #poem #humor

Cops, I've learned, are like vampires; they can't come in unless you invite them. ↗

— Jessica Warman

#humor #vampires #humor

I may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#memory #the-cloud #humor

Just because all the rats are gone doesn't mean I trust the rattlesnake that got rid of them. ↗

— John Steiner

#social-commentary #humor

But with man the case is otherwise, in that when logic leads to any humiliating conclusion, the sole effect is to discredit logic. ↗

— James Branch Cabell

#humor #humor

Always behave like a duck- keep calm and unruffled on the surface, but paddle like the devil underneath. ↗

— Jacob M. Braude

#composure #humor #humor

Maybe I could be a ninja assassin too, Jack thought. ↗

— Jane Seville

#humor

Hey, rock dude, are you destroying the house? Causing mayhem? Who’s a ferocious gargoyle? Stoney’s a ferocious gargoyle. ↗

— Devon Monk

#humor

I confronted the fact that I was not only talking to a dog, but answering for one. ↗

— Claire Cook

#humor #humor

Young people, however, tend to ignore the customs of their elders. Adolescent rebellion has been responsible for all manner of absurd costumes. The more ridiculous a certain fashion is, the more adolescents will cling to it. ↗

— David Eddings

#fashion #humor #humor