#hum

I've heard there’s a lot of bagpiping in that house. I'd love to go check it out." "So...you want to join the secret society of revolutionary plumbers. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #plumbing #secret-society #funny

I did a charity walk the other day. They asked for money, and I walked.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #funny

Count yourself fortunate." He made an elegant sweep of his hand toward the sun. "Daylight does not make them turn to ash, but they become bloody damn infants, whinging on about irritated eyes and sluggish limbs and so forth. ↗

— Lynn Viehl

#humor #vampire #funny

There were dumplings on the train, sold by grim men and women with deep lines cut into their faces by years and worry and hunger and misery. This was the provinces, the outer territories, the mysterious China that had sent millions of girls and boys to Canton to earn their fortunes in the Pearl River Delta. Matthew knew all their strange accents, he spoke their strange Mandarin language, but he was Cantonese, and these were not his people. Those were not his dumplings. ↗

— Cory Doctorow

#funny #humor #funny

Everything is funny from some angle, I assure you it is. It's just a matter of where you're standing. ↗

— Charlie Fletcher

#funny

I like farm salmon. I like the idea of fish growing on trees. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #funny

It's funny when people say something is "unreal" about something that is, in reality, real. I'm so guilty of it, it's real! ↗

— Ethan Luck

#real #slang #unreal #funny

I once snorted a moth. Unintentionally, of course. It’s not like I was trying to get high. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #funny

Pantheism and Utopia meet in the camping trailer, where they are offered hot herbal tea and asked after the names on their birth certificates. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #random #society #funny

We are racing down Main Street. Arthur is right on the tail of a blck sedan with tinted windows that won't pull over. He slams the horn. "Arthur," I say. The car doesn't yield. "Arthur," I say. He hits the horn again, still close on the car's bummper. "Arthur, our turn was back there. ↗

— Peter Canning

#ems #funny #humor #medical #funny