#hum

What are emotions exactly?' Lutta asked. 'Silly feelings that get in the way of actions. ↗

— Kathryn Lasky

#humor

Now, public libraries are most admirable institutions, but they have one irritating custom. They want their books back. ↗

— Cecil B. DeMille

#humor #libraries #humor

He looked haggard and careworn, like a Borgia who has suddenly remembered that he has forgotten to shove cyanide in the consommé, and the dinner-gong due any moment. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#forgetfulness #humor #poison #unhappiness #humor

That wouldn't fit my right testicle ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humor

Starke, release me or I’ll kick you in the balls.” And that would hurt, given the current rock-hard state of that area. ↗

— Keri Arthur

#humor #humor

The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match. ↗

— Will Rogers

#humor

Eden," Cyrus snapped bringing her back to the present. "I have a sword pointed at you. Will you please focus ↗

— Samantha Young

#humor #short-attention-span #humor

Stop stealing the funeral meats right now, you wee scuggers!" She shouted. The Feegles stopped and stared at her. Then Rob Anybody said: "Socks wi'oot feets? ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

ARE THEY ESPECIALLY WILD? ↗

— John Irving

#humor

He gives me the hairy eyeball, and asks me to help him find his pancreas. ↗

— A. Lee Martinez

#humor #vampire #humor