#humor

It's great having Bruce Springsteen on my show. We have so much in common! We're both from New Jersey, just from different neighborhoods. Sort of like how Martin Luther King and Margaret Mitchell both came from Atlanta. But from different neighborhoods. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#humor #humor

Thank God for imminent doomsday. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#doomsday #humor #humor

Under Colonel Korn's rule, the only people permitted to ask questions were those who never did. ↗

— Joseph Heller

#humor

Do you like him? Ty asked. "Not that I care." "I do," I said, because it was true. Even though it didn't matter anymore. "Not that I care you don't care. Though you clearly do care, and I don't care about that either." "Well, I don't care that you don't care that I don't care. In fact i'm glad. Because, um, if I were seeming someone that I liked, I'd want you to be happy for me.""Are you seeing someone?" I asked, pretty sure he wasn't. "Not that I care. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#humor

Humanity's a nice place to visit, but you wouldn't want to live there. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #humor

Go play your games with Jim. I'll find you both when I need you." Arrogant asshole. "I tell you what, if you find us before those three days run out, I'll cook you a damn dinner and serve it to you naked." "Is that a promise?" "Yes. Go fuck yourself. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#flirting #humor #kate-daniels #magic-strikes #humor

Why are Americans so fascinated by Ireland?” Keith asked... “you all think you’re Irish. What’s the appeal? Do you like the accent more? Is it all the magical rocks? Oh, look, a lep­rechaun... ↗

— Maureen Johnson

#keith #humor

Let me make sure I have this straight. The cavalry just now rode into town and it's a Czech Gypsy porn-star zombie killer. Have I got that right? ↗

— Richard Kadrey

#zombies #humor

I will take a serious approach to a subject usually treated lightly, which is a nerdy thing to do. ↗

— Benjamin Nugent

#geek #humor #nerd #non-fiction #humor

Once you've been squashed by a giant, a troll doesn't even seem nearly as heavy. ↗

— Christopher Healy

#humor