#humor

Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches. ↗

— Tallulah Bankhead

#humor

I have a sudden urge to pee.- Spader ↗

— D.J. MacHale

#humor

if everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane(T-Shirt) ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor

She fitted into my biggest arm-chair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing arm-chairs tight about the hips that season ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor

Besides, Southerners are hospitable. They'll probably offer me lemonade." Excuse me? You're going to sit on a porch and drink lemonade while I plow a swamp with a goat's horn?" Yes, ma'am. And I aim to wear my seamless shirt while you do it. ↗

— Nancy Werlin

#humor

My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up. - Charley Davidson ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor #humor

Holding a tear back makes them drain upward, higher and higher, until one day your head just explodes and you're left with a stub of a neck and nothing more. ↗

— Alice Hoffman

#humor

Let me express how much I don't care on a scale from one to bite me ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor #humor

So, technically," Simon said, "even though Jace isn't actually related to you, you have kissed your brother. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#simon-lewis #humor