#humor

Henry Jones: I didn't know you could fly a plane! Indiana Jones: Fly -- yes, land -- no. ↗

— Rob MacGregor

#movies #humor

Perhaps not," said Will, who had ears like a bat's. "But I would make a radiant bride. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #sass #will #william-herondale #humor

But you hardley even know him"she said."He could be a serial killer" "I did have that thought.I checked the apartment out,but if his got an ice cooler full of arms in it,I havent seen it yet.Anyway he seems pretty since. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

So you killed him with what now?" "I tried that Dr. Phil book at first"..."And I finished it off with the toilet seat. Just so you know, you left it up again. That drives me crazy. ↗

— Jesse Petersen

#zombies #humor

A pair of werewolves occupied another booth. They were eating raw shanks of lamb and arguing about who would win in a fight: Dumbledore from Harry Potter books or Magnus Bane. "Dumbledore would totally win," said the first one. "He has the badass Killing Curse. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

I know the universe has a sense of irony, and sometimes you get reminded just how sadistic that can be. ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#humor

...personal torture instructor...I mean physical therapist. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humor

The remnants of my dress hung like tentacles and from my back arched a pari of towering wings, feather-light but suggesting enourmous power. My hair streamed behind me, and I knew that the ring of light around my head would be brighter than ever. “Holy crap!” Xavier blurted ↗

— Alexandra Adornetto

#humor #humor

Never tell anyone to be careful, never ask what that noise was, and for the love of God, never, ever say that you'll be right back." —Evelyn Baker ↗

— Seanan McGuire

#humor #humor

The internet is just a world passing notes around a classroom. ↗

— Jon Stewart

#internet #humor