#humor

Sleeping with a man half your age can be exhausting, but if it's too much for him you can always find a younger man. ↗

— Barbara Taylor Bradford

#older-women #age

A brick could be used as a fashion accessory. Or an accessory to murder. I believe the phrase is, "If looks could kill."
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Don't worry you will never find a rounded square ↗

— Greigon Selwyn Mott

#inspirational #metaphorical #inspirational

A blanket could be used in exciting medical advancements, curing everything from shivers to tonitrophobia.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I hired you for your attitude, and so far I’m pretty happy with my decision. But I’m not sure I can work with you until I’ve fucked this attraction out of my system. ↗

— J.C. Reed

#love #romance #sex #sexuality #sexy-humor

Her mother leaned in. “She calls him ‘Colossus.’Now what do you think that is for?” “I’m sure she’s fine—” “Not if she is with Colossus. She asked me last week if I could get her birth control.” “Okay, okay. What do you want me to do?” “I want you to find that campground and bring your sister home.”.... “Fine.” “You’re going to go now?” “Do I have any choice? It’s either that or let Lucy get impregnated by the Colossus, right? ↗

— Jessica Clare

#humor #home

Oh, yeah. If there's one thing I'm good for, it's comic relief. ↗

— Shannon McKenna

#humor

No, you just keep polishing your fangs or whatever you guys do in there. ↗

— Jayde Scott

#inspirational

It's a reality that if you are seeking for an answer, you'll just end up with much more questions, but if you won't then be searching just because of this reality, you'll end up with nothing. ↗

— Jay Mark D. Saga-ad

#humor #inspirational #motivational #questions #reality

Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #love #surrealism #age