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#humor

Read through the most famous quotes by topic #humor




If you can not answer a man's argument, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names. ↗


— Elbert Hubbard


#humor

Most everybody had made at least one bad, drunken decision in their lives. Called an ex at two in the morning. Or perhaps has a little too much to drink on a second date and wept inconsolably while revealing how simply damaged one was, while nonetheless retaining an uncommonly large capacity for love. That kind of thing was, while regrettable, at least comprehensible. But waking up with someone generationally inappropriate, like your grandfather's best buddy? ↗


— Augusten Burroughs


#dating

My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them. My dream holiday would be a) a ticket to Amsterdam b) immunity from prosecution and c) a baseball bat. ↗


— Terry Pratchett


#foreign-countries #fun #holidays #humor #traffic

On the night of the murder I was at home, asleep. The characters in my dream can vouch for me. ↗


— Jarod Kintz


#humor #murder #surreal #dreams

I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja. ↗


— Darynda Jones


#ninja #humor

Yo, beautiful. Come pop this collar off me.” Natalya hissed, “Are you mad?” “What’s she gonna do? Vivisect me? Imprison me? We’ve got a pact to fulfill,remember?” To Dorada, she cried, “Seriously, sweetheart, shake that mummified ass over here.” Regin kicked the glass. “Lemme the fuck out—” La Dorada swung her head around,peering at Regin with her one eye. “Okay. That’s freaky. Lookit, Gollum, if you spring me, I’ll help you find your Precious. ↗


— Kresley Cole


#funny #gollum #humor #kresley-cole #regin

I really should come with a warning label. ↗


— Tom Upton


#humor

If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap? ↗


— Steven Wright


#humor

Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and loving heart of her childhood: and how she would gather about her other little children, and make their eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel with all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days. ↗


— Lewis Carroll


#fantasy-literature #humor #dreams

He's probably out there in the hallway right now, composing bad poetry in his head." Michi cleared her throat, her voice taking on a breathless lilt: "Pale Fox's Daughter, Her cherry lips haunt my dreams. Something, something, breasts... ↗


— Jay Kristoff


#dreams






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