#humor

Chomsky is a pencil-and-paper theoretician who wouldn't know Jabba the Hutt from the Cookie Monster, ↗

— Steven Pinker

#humor #humorous-quotations #funny

Nobody wants to give up a weekend-long excuse to dress up and attempt to outshine one another. ↗

— Elizabeth Eulberg

#ball #formal #funny #hair #high-school

Boys, welcome to the wonderful world of talking to women about their feelings. As a handy primer, here are a few things you should know: 1) Women have feelings. 2) You will spend the next seventy years or so trying to guess what they're feeling and why. 3) You will be wrong most of the time. 4) I like French Fries. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor #funny

Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world's lamest Ghostbuster. I ain't afraid of no leaves. ↗

— Jimmy Fallon

#funny #ghostbusters #humor #leaves #funny

Satisfactory job performance goes against a noble work ethic. Poor job performance goes against a generous welfare ethic. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #job #welfare #work-ethic #funny

A brick can be used as a counting device, particularly if you only need to count up to one.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I’ll take her home. You guys finish … whatever … you were doing.” She glances to me, a slight blush on her face. I tug Cash’s borrowed shirt down, hiding my red ass cheek. The spatula is still in his hand. He’s only wearing boxers. Dear Lord. ↗

— Pella Grace

#romance #sexy-humor #home

You don't have to go away to know where you're home is, everyone knows where their home is. And if you don't, you've got problems. ↗

— Morgan Matson Amy and Roger's Epic Detour

#home

Was it a camp?" Daniel asked. Sean nodded. "A naturist camp." "Maya will feel right at home", Corey said from his spot on a wooden lawn chair. Daniel sputtered a laugh and Sean tried to hide his. "Naturist, not naturalist," I said. "It means nudist." Corey leaped up and spun. "You mean old, naked butts sat on those chairs? ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humor-funny #home

as I [Eve] was the only cook in all Christendom at the time, the idea of not coming home to dinner never occurred to Adam... It is true that at times he criticised my cooking, but in view of certain ancestral limitations from which he suffered, I never had to sit quietly and listen to an exasperating disquisition on the Pies That Mother Used To Make... ↗

— John Kendrick Bangs

#humor #home