#humor

But...what if I mistime it?" Gilan smiled widely. "Well, in that case, I'll probably lop your head off your shoulders." Horace and Gilan ↗

— John Flanagan

#horace #humor #ranger-s-apprentice #sword-fighting #humor

First of all, let me get this straight: This is a JOURNAL, not a diary. I know what it says on the cover, but when Mom went out to buy this thing I SPECIFICALLY told her to get one that didn't say 'diary' on it. ↗

— Jeff Kinney

#humor

There seemed to be a mystifying universal conspiracy among textbook authors to make certain the material they dealt with never strayed too near the realm of the mildly interesting and was always at least a long-distance phone call from the frankly interesting. ↗

— Bill Bryson

#humor

What’s this ” “A needle.” “What should I do with it ” He’d walked right into it. Too easy. “Please use it to pop your head. It’s obscuring my view of the room. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor #kate-daniels #saiman #humor

Love is blind, there was no doubt about it. In Tara's case it was also deaf, dumb, dyslexic, had a bad hip and the beginnings of Alzheimer's ↗

— Marian Keyes

#humor

The Destiny of Man is to unite, not to divide. If you keep on dividing you end up as a collection of monkeys throwing nuts at each other out of separate trees. ↗

— T.H. White

#unity #humor

I rolled my eyes." Has anyone told you you have the maturity level of a four-year-old? ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#humor

I want to reach in my pants, pull out my virginity, wrap it up and put a bow on it. Or maybe stick it in a gift bag from Target and give it to him like a present with a nice card that says, "Thank you for being you! Just a little virginity to show you may gratitude! ↗

— Tara Sivec

#humour #humor

There was a sound like a human yawn, and then the skull turned slightly toward me and asked, "What's up, boss?" "Evil's afoot." "Well, sure," Bob said, "because it refuses to learn the metric system. Otherwise it'd be up to a meter by now. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

As far as he was concerned, there were only two good positions for a human. A female on her back. And a male facedown not breathing. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor