#humor

Civilization is vastly overrated. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#humor #humor

I have a plan.” He groaned. “I was afraid of that.” “My plans are not terrible.” “Isabelle’s plans are terrible.” He pointed a finger at her. “Your plans are suicidal. At best.” She sat back, her arms crossed over her chest. “Do you want to hear it or not? You have to keep it a secret.” “I would pluck out my own eyes with a fork before I would give away your secrets,” Simon said, then looked anxious. “Wait a second. Do you think that’s likely to be required? ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed, I suppose. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor #writing #humor

I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

I'm the crazy girly captain, Remember? ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor #humor

Babe! ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#ranger #humor

Every time I annoy him he retreats into his No Mundanes Allowed tree house." Simon pointed at Jace. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

Shigure: JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR A SECOND, KYO! Kyo: SHUT UP! I HATE THIS! DO YOU REALLY GET THAT MUCH ENJOYMENT FROM PLAYING WITH PEOPLES' LIVES?! Shigure: Well, yes, now that you mention it, I do--BUT THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD! Kyo: Man, your persuasion skills SUCK! Tohru: Um, welcome home. Dinner's- Kyo: NOT HUNGRY! Shigure: KYO! DON'T TAKE THIS OUT ON TOHRU! And come back to the entrance hall this instant and take those shoes off! Yuki: He's right, Shigure. You really do suck at persuasion. ↗

— Natsuki Takaya

#persuasion #humor

Bite me, Harry Potter. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#humor

I'm trying to make some sense out of the phrase "Everything happens for a reason," and I think I've figured out what the reason is - to pissed me off. ↗

— Cecelia Ahern

#humor