#humor

A lot of people don't think my brother has a temper. It's like they assume I somehow sucked up the entire quota of "cranky," and now Shaun's perpetually cheery and ready for a challenge while I glower at people from behind my sunglasses and plot the downfall of the Western world. ↗

— Mira Grant

#humor

Oh, cock! ↗

— James May

#humor

Why Banning Miller, what a vision you are in your fine dress. Must've taken a dozen slaves a dozen days to get you into that getup. 'Course, your daddy tells me it takes the space of a schoolboy's wink to get you out of it again. ↗

— Jane Espenson

#humor

(T)here was a story they used to tell at home about a girl whose punishment was that every time she opened her mouth, snakes and toads came out, snakes and toads with every word. The book didn't say what she did about it, but I've always assumed she probably ended up keeping her mouth shut. ↗

— Thomas Mann

#humor

It was impossible to imagine the aloof, dignified, powerful High Lord living as, of all things, a slave. ↗

— Trudi Canavan

#humor #humor

You're taller than I am, but I'm stronger, and meaner right this minute than you could ever imagine" - Lady Madelyne. ↗

— Julie Garwood

#humor #julie-garwood #romance #humor

Rory: "People are being serious." Jazza: "There's a serial killer out there. Of course people are being serious." Rory: "Yeah, but what are the chances?" Jazza: "I bet all of the victims thought that." Rory: "But still, what are the chances?" Jazza: "Well, I imagine they are several million to one." Jerome: "Not that high. You're only dealing with a small part of London. And while there might be a million or more people in that area, the Ripper is probably focusing on women, because all of the original victims were women. So halve that--" Jazza: "You really need another hobby. ↗

— Maureen Johnson

#jazza #jerome #odds #rory #serial-killer

Pia was blackmailed into committing a crime more suicidal than she could possibly have imagined, and she had no one to blame but herself. ↗

— Thea Harrison

#humor

She closed her eyes and tried to imagine sex entering the picture. Would sex enter the picture in a silk robe, or would it be as nude as a platter of cold cuts? Would sex enter the picture from the left or the right? Would it ring first, or would it just slide in slyly, too quick and slippery to be denied; or, would sex barge in forcibly, red-faced and green-bereted, pushing all other things aside? ↗

— Tom Robbins

#humor

She tried to imagine what Charles would do if another man came up to him and said, "You bring me joy. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#humor #humor