#humor

Perriwickturned to Penelope as he set the tray down on a table. "If I might be so bold, my lady-" "Perriwick!" Blake roared. "If I hear the phrase 'if I might be so bold' one more time, as God is my witness, I'm going to toss you into the channel!" "Oh dear," Penelope said. "Perhaps he does have the fever, after all.Perriwick , what do you think?" The butler reached for Blake's forehead, only to have his hand nearly bitten off. "Touch me and die," Blake snarled. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#comedy #humor #humor

Great idea," I said. "Call the police. Call the fucking police. ↗

— Ava Gardner

#fighting #frank-sinatra #humor #police #humor

I'm concealing a lot of things. That's what a lady does. ↗

— Kerry Greenwood

#humor

Oh My God," I blurted, grabbing onto Phin as we faced the open bedroom door. "It's the axe murderer." "I doubt he would knock," she said, but she was whispering, too, and didn't move away from me. ↗

— Rosemary Clement-Moore

#humor

It's only life. We all get through it. ↗

— Dean Koontz

#life #living #survival #humor

I ignored him, concentrating on Lilith. "According to the stories, after you were expelled from Eden you went down into Hell, where you coupled with demons and gave birth to all the monsters that have plagued the world." "I was young," said Lilith. "You know how it is. We all do things we later regret, when we're being rebellious teenagers. ↗

— Simon R. Green

#lilith #monsters #rebellion #teenagers #humor

Another last-minute, good-deed job,” Royce grumbled as he stuffed supplies into his saddlebag. “True,” Hadrian said, slinging his sword belt over his shoulder, “but this is at least a paying job.” “You should have told him the real reason we saved him from Trumbul— because we wouldn’t see the hundred tenents otherwise.” “That was your reason. Besides, how often do we get to do royal contracts? If word gets around, we’ll be able to command top salaries.” “If word gets around, we’ll be hanged. ↗

— Michael J. Sullivan

#humor

The Angel Gabriel disappeared once for sixty years and they found him on earth hiding in the body of a man named Miles Davis. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor #jazz #miles-davis #humor

When you have been just told that the girl you love is definitely betrothed to another, you begin to understand how Anarchists must feel when the bomb goes off too soon. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#engagement #humor #jealousy #marriage #humor

Out on the moors, The lonely moors, I roll around in sheep poo. Heathcliff, it's youuuuu, I hate you, I love you tooooo. Let me in, I'm here, it's meeeee, Catheeeeeeee. Look out of your windooooow. ↗

— Louise Rennison

#humor