#humor

Out on the moors, The lonely moors, I roll around in sheep poo. Heathcliff, it's youuuuu, I hate you, I love you tooooo. Let me in, I'm here, it's meeeee, Catheeeeeeee. Look out of your windooooow. ↗

— Louise Rennison

#humor

Unicorns," I said. "Very dangerous. You go first. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #unicorns #humor

I point out truths when I see them, Brightlord Sadeas. Each man has his place. Mine is to make insults. Yours is to be in-sluts. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#philandering #truth #humor

Liberal, shmiberal. That should be a new word. Shmiberal: one who is assumed liberal, just because he's a professional whiner in the newspaper. If you'll read the subtext for many of those old strips, you'll find the heart of an old-fashioned Libertarian. And I'd be a Libertarian, if they weren't all a bunch of tax-dodging professional whiners. ↗

— Berkeley Breathed

#humor

He's stubborn," Tux warned in a singsong tone. "Stay out of this," Mark spat. "And touchy," Tux added. ↗

— Brandon Mull

#demon #fablehaven #humor #keys #mull

So this was where lust was satisfied. If I'd been an old-time miner I'd have asked for my gold nugget back. ↗

— Ava Gardner

#brothels #disappointment #humor #humor

Seedy wasn't a fair description for the place, because seeds imply eventual regrowth and renewal. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humorous #humor

He sucked his lips in an attempt not to laugh. "Aren't you Spanish?" She raised one arm in a salute. "Viva la Queen Isabella!" "I see. Then why are you speaking with a French accent? ↗

— Julia Quinn

#humor #humor

It is a curious fact that small boys are more terrified of their babysitters than small girls are. In part, this is because small girls and babysitters, who are usually slightly larger girls, belong to the same species, and therefore understand each other. Small boys, on the other hand, do not understand girls, and therefore being looked after by one is a little like a hamster being looked after by a shark. If you are a small boy, it may be some consolation to you to know that even large boys do not understand girls, and girls, by and large, do not understand boys. This makes adult life very interesting. ↗

— John Connolly

#children #humorous #humor

That's all you've got for me?" I drew a long breath and let it out slowly. "You know. I might be able to get more clues from Google. ↗

— Jayde Scott

#humor #inspirational #humor