#humor

The prettier the wine bottle, the higher the likelihood sorority girls will buy it. ↗

— Lauren Leto

#humor #sorority #humor

Um . . . guys? If I, say, noticed a crack in a wall in a tunnel and a cold, creepy draft came out of it and it smelled like three-day-old lasagna, would you, um, want to know about that?” Murdock and I exchanged glances. “You invited him,” I said. “Show us the crack, Joe,” Murdock said. Joe turned around and lowered his loincloth. ↗

— Mark Del Franco

#humor

Good call, Bob. ↗

— Jan Thomas

#humor #humor

... he was sunset against the mountains, strong, vibrant, dangerous, and yet somehow sheltering, protective. And married. Picnic, meet rain. ↗

— Devon Monk

#humor

Maybe in the morning, sunlight would to turn him back into a statue; then I could take Stone out to the forest where he could frolic among the ferns, gurgle at streams, and make friends with the other interesting rocks. ↗

— Devon Monk

#humor

I said might. But that's a pretty small might. Tiny. ↗

— Andy McDermott

#humor

Percy ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

Give up the human, and I’ll call them off,” Reseph called out. “Fuck you.” “Incest, brother?” He shrugged. “Well, hell, I’ve tried everything else since my Seal broke… ↗

— Larissa Ione

#humor

If not, well, Libby didn't care anymore. She'd turn 17 in a few months, and that was practically 18 ↗

— Angie Stanton

#humor

There are two ways of waking up in the morning. One is to say, 'Good morning, God,' and the other is to say, 'Good God, morning'! ↗

— Fulton J. Sheen

#humor #waking-up #humor