#humor

I'm not impressed ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor

A stupid person can make only certain, limited types of errors; the mistakes open to a clever fellow are far broader. But to the one who knows how smart he is compared to everyone else, the possibilities for true idiocy are boundless. ↗

— Steven Brust

#smartass #smartness #stupid #humor

Miss Granger, you foolish girl, how could you think of tackling a mountain troll on your own? Five points will be taken from Gryffindor for this,” said Professor McGonagall. “I’m very disappointed in you.” Hermione left. Professor McGonagall turned to Harry and Ron. “Well, I still say you were lucky, but not many first years could have taken on a full-grown mountain troll. You each win Gryffindor five points. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

I hate when I look in my closet and find clothes instead of Narnia. ↗

— H.B. Bolton

#humor #mystery #narnia #humor

I growl with frustration at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is fifty shades messed up. Why is it so kinky and out of control? I need to stop sleeping with it wet. As I brush my long brown hair, the girl in the mirror with the brown eyes too big for her head stares back at me. Wait... my eyes are blue! It dawns on me that I've been staring at a poster of Kristen Stewart for five minutes. My own hair is fine. ↗

— Fanny Merkin

#humor

My stomach is tied up in so many knots it could make a boy scout envious. ↗

— Colleen Hoover

#humor

I swear, sometimes talking to you is like trying to converse with a tree. A very big, very solid, very male tree. ↗

— Julie Ann Walker

#humor

And what the fuck were you doing parading around in those jeans and that shirt last—” “Parading?” “You are not allowed to put on your fuck-me clothes if I ain’t there to do the fucking! ↗

— Mary Calmes

#humor

Will you walk into my parlour?" said the Spider to the Fly ↗

— Mary Howitt

#lessons #poetry #humor

"Screw the oath." I lean in until I feel her breath against my face, then I stop. I don't want to rush her. "You've done enough for them. You're protecting me. Who cares about the rest?" "I do." She closes her eyes,and her jaw quivers. "I swore to get you safely through this-and I will. And then you'll return with the Gales and meet your betrothed." "They can take their betrothal and shove it. I want you." Audra and Vane ↗

— Shannon Messenger

#humor