#humor

I'd like to think they're staring at me because of my white-hot animal magnetism, but I'm not Elvis. I'm Lobster Boy, hear me roar. ↗

— Richard Kadrey

#sex-appeal #humor

Who's got my Jaffa Cakes? You know I can't function without Jaffa Cakes. ↗

— Simon R. Green

#humor #jaffa-cakes #humor

I do not care to speak ill of a man behind his back, but I believe he is an attorney. ↗

— Samuel Johnson

#cheapshots #humor #humor

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. "We're supposed to be celebrating our two-week anniversary tonight." "Uh, news for you, honey - two weeks is no anniversary." "What should I tell him? I don't even want to go." "Tell him you just got a new bra and it's shy around strangers. ↗

— Robin Brande

#humor #humor

Duty has a trick of behaving unexpectedly -- something like a heavy friend whom we have amiably asked to visit us, and who breaks his leg within our gates. ↗

— George Eliot

#humor #life #wisdom #friendship

Humor and paradox are often the only ways to respond to life's sorrow with grace. ↗

— Matthew Fox

#grace #humor #paradox #humor

It's never too late to start over! ↗

— Lynne Gentry

#inspirational #starting-over #widows #women-s-fiction #humor

It was a constant source of amazement to Alexia that the only thing she had ever done in her entire life that pleased her mama was marry a werewolf. ↗

— Gail Carriger

#humor

Is he mad? Anyway there's something on his mind, as sure as there must be something on a deck when it cracks. ↗

— Herman Melville

#intellect #mental #humor

Twenty percent? What am I, your waiter? I got you five vampires, not a BLT. ↗

— Richard Kadrey

#humor