#humor

I'm going to go throw up now, because ive turned into my dad. If vomiting doesn't work, I'll see if I can get an exorcism. ↗

— Veronica Blade

#growing-up #humor #humorous #humor

So there I was, with the two hottest girls on campus, having lunch. I was "the man", the envy of every other guy in our school. Buddy, I was miserable." -Bryce Loski ↗

— Wendelin Van Draanen

#flipped #humor #humor

The humans were sitting cross-legged on the floor in a circle of soldiers, pointing at things and learning more Chimaera words: salt, rat, eat, which unfortunate combination led to Zuzana rejecting the meat on her plate. "I think it's chicken," Mik said, taking a bite. "I'm just saying there were a lot more rats around here earlier." "Circumstantial evidence." Mik took another bite and said, in passable Chimaera and to guffaws of laughter, "Salty delicious rat." "It's chicken," insisted one of the Shadows That Live. Karou wasn't sure which it was, but she was flapping her arms like wings, and even producing chicken bones to prove it. ↗

— Laini Taylor

#days-of-blood-and-starlight #humor #laini-taylor #mik #zuzana

Hope is nice. Fucking useless in this situation, but still nice. You have one sentence before you start bleeding. Make it good. ↗

— Lauren Stewart

#humor

You've got an awfully kissable mouth. ↗

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

#flapper #humor #kiss #kissing #kissing-quotes

Sometimes if you have a difficult decision to make, just stall until the answer presents itself. ↗

— Tina Fey

#humor #humor

Despite his money and his looks and all the good-on-paper attributes he possessed, he was not a reader, and, well, let's just say that is the sort of nonsense up with which we will not put. ↗

— Eleanor Brown

#truth #humor

Players like rules. If they didn't have any rules, they wouldn't have anything to break. ↗

— Coach Lee Walls

#humor #sports #humor

I couldn't exactly blame Jane Austen for being a romantic. What the hell else was there to do back then for fun? ↗

— Kristin Walker

#humor #jane-austen #olden-days #humor

Sometimes it is worth any amount of suffering just to prevent giving your parents the opportunity to be right. ↗

— Maureen Johnson

#humor