#humor

Rejection is one thing - but rejection from a fool is cruel. ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor

What? It’s not my blood!” “Let me see it,” Julian demanded, and a moment later there were sounds of a scuffle from the back seat. “I am AB positive and this is distinctly type O blood!” Ty finally shouted at him. “Look at the little Os! ↗

— Abigail Roux

#humor

Aha!" Lassiter pointed at the boob tube. "You motherfucker! I knew you were the father! ↗

— J.R. Ward

#lassiter #maury #humor

I'm infatuated with you, I cannot deny it. Physically speaking, you're a very attractive man. But I don't like you, the vast majority of the time. So far as I can gather, you behave abominably in public and are only marginally better in private. I only find you remotely tolerable when you're kissing me. ↗

— Tessa Dare

#romance #humor

Since you and Crispin are now finished and I have a few hours to kill, how about that shag?” he asked with heavy irony. “Bite me,” I sighed, gathering up the pages. He winked. “Of course. My second-favorite thing to do in bed. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#humor #ian #humor

If I gave you a pity position it wouldn't be in my office. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#ranger #romance #humor

Part of the appeal of the fantastic is taking ridiculous ideas very seriously and pretending they're not absurd. ↗

— China Miéville

#humor #writing #humor

I don't believe in faeries! ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor

When an evil masochist dies, does he go to hell, or would heaven be a better punishment? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

Before I leave the bathroom, I pinch my cheeks hard to bring blood to the surface of my skin. It’s stupid, but I don’t want to look weak and exhausted in front of everyone. When I walk back into Tobias’s room, Uriah is sprawled across the bed facedown; Christina is holding the blue sculpture above Tobias’s desk, examining it; and Lynn is poised above Uriah with a pillow, a wicked grin creeping across her face. Lynn smacks Uriah hard in the back of the head, Christina says, “Hey Tris!” and Uriah cries, “Ow! How on earth do you make a pillow hurt, Lynn?” “My exceptional strength,” she says. “Did you get smacked, Tris? One of your cheeks is bright red.” I must not have pinched the other one hard enough. “No, it’s just … my morning glow. ↗

— Veronica Roth

#humor #lynn #tris #uriah #humor