#humor

I would actually write books totally full of nothing BUT kissing scenes, but apparently people like books to have, like, "plots" or whatever. ↗

— Rachel Hawkins

#romance #writing-books #humor

It's all very well to put the government in the hands of the perfect man, but what do you do when the perfect man gets a bellyache? ↗

— David Eddings

#politics #humor

Fingerprints are like values--you leave them all over everything you do ↗

— Elvis Presley

#inspirational #humor

If you hurt her I'll make you pay. I may be old, but that doesn't mean I can't make you suffer." "Damn right. You've got the AARP on your side. ↗

— Shannon K. Butcher

#humor

Life just wants to be; but it doesn't want to be much. ↗

— Bill Bryson

#humor

Bump stood in the middle of the room, wrapped in a heavy fur coat, with a black silk top hatcovering his fuzzy head and unnecessary sunglasses hiding his pale face. He looked like the Abominable Snowpimp. ↗

— Stacia Kane

#humor #humor

Taking responsibility takes all the joy out of life, and drains a man to dust. ↗

— Robert Jordan

#humor

The next week she withheld my paycheck until I signed a document (drafted by David) in which I promised not to marry Connor. Ever. I signed the document, took the check, and had David draft another document forbidding all Spellmans to practice any form of blackmail. David tried to explain to me that a contract in which you promise not to break the law is ultimately redundant, but I didn't care. ↗

— Lisa Lutz

#humor

There’s no winning arguments with your parents, so why get all pumped up over them? It is way better to dive down and get out of the way than it is to get clobbered by some parental tidal wave. ↗

— Wendelin Van Draanen

#parents #humor

Those are brave men," he told Ser Balon in admiration. "Let's go kill them. ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#humor #humor