#humor

He had had a severe shock some weeks earlier, when, having narrowly failed to capture a large grey-brown hare for his dinner, it had stopped at the edge of the forest, looked at him with disdain, and said, 'Well, I hope you're proud of yourself, that's all,' and had scampered off into the long grass ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#quotes #humor

It had better be. It doesn't do much when it's soft. ↗

— Brent Weeks

#humor

Nothing could make me pull away meat-market love goddess. My sexy little filet mignon ↗

— John Corwin

#humor

I said the first thing that came into my head unfortunately. "Save the drama for your mama " I told her just like an eleven-year-old. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#humor #humor

After 30 years of marriage, isn’t it amazing when you look at your partner sound asleep next to you and think they've still got potential. ↗

— Kaylin McFarren

#humor #humor

I am sorry the only outlet for her troubled mind was in clumsy foreplay with an inadequate partner." He threw the rest of her sandwich at the swinging door as she passed through it. ↗

— Jennifer Armintrout

#insults #men-and-women #relationships #humor

NASA spent millions of dollars inventing the ball-point pen so they could write in space. The Russians took a pencil. ↗

— Will Chabot

#science #space-exploration #humor

The human race is all the same when it comes to romantic relations,' said the Major. 'A startling absence of impulse control combined with complete myopia. ↗

— Helen Simonson

#humor #love #romance #humor

Iain's gaze went back and forth between Gillian and Brodick. "Father Laggan's back," he remarked. "And there's another, younger priest named Stevens with him." "Why are you telling me this?" Brodick asked. "I just wanted you to know there are two priests available," Iain explained with a meaningful glance at Gillian. ↗

— Julie Garwood

#humor

Wait till it’s my turn to tell the story! They’ll be like ‘Bear who? ↗

— T.J. Klune

#the-kid #humor