#humor

ARISE, AWAKE AND STOP NOT TILL THE GOAL IS REACHED ↗

— Swami Vivekananda

#humor

... then he offers me his arm. As I take it, I wonder what folly decreed that women cannot walk unassisted. ↗

— R.L. LaFevers

#humor

When I'm not working, it does. You turning Jack on?' 'God, what a revolting thought. ↗

— Keri Arthur

#keri-arthur #tempting-evil #humor

Is he actually good?” Judith asked. “He’s incredible.” “Sorry, are we talking about the painting or the shagging?” Nev asked. “The painting!” He grinned. “Right. ↗

— Ruthie Knox

#humor

Wait, it's going to fall," I say, pointing to the banner. "Pull it tighter-there, yeah, see how loose it is?" "A little to the left" Isaac mocks me, grinning. "A little to the right?" I stick my tongue out at him. "Better be careful with that thing," he jokes. ↗

— J.A. Redmerski

#isaac-and-adria #humor

Here she was, being rescued by a socialist, feminist, lesbian, baby-killing, foreign terrorist. What would the ladies in the sewing circle say to that? ↗

— Hillary Jordan

#humor

I suppose I knew on an intellectual level that graves weren't especially made for getting out of. I mean, you start with a hermetically sealed casket and then you dump six feet of dirt on top of it. Over time the earth gets compacted, which can't make it easy to dig through. So even if you're a very angry and determined zombie, you've kind of got your work cut out for you just escaping from the grave. Which was, I suppose, why we got hit with an initial wave of zombie bugs, birds and rodents. I bet some people would say if you've never picked undead mosquitoes out of your teeth, you've never lived. Under that definition, I'd be just as happy to have not lived, thanks. ↗

— C.E. Murphy

#zombies #humor

Did I hear your correctly, my dear?" Ahan asked with a shaky voice. "You're going to go into Elantris?" "Yes." Sarene said. "I need something to drink," Ahan decided, unstoppering his wine flask. ↗

— Brandon Sanderson

#humor

I never got to see a proper striptease. Not anything even remotely close. I was stupid and went to literary cafés and spent my time on artistic nonsense instead. Now it is too late. I am old and blind. I must content myself with hearing the garments fall. I dictated this. ↗

— Tor Ulven

#resignation #wasted-youth #humor

You’re a good kid. If you’d work on your pain-in-the-ass tendencies, you’d be real nice.” “Too bad that isn’t going to happen anytime soon,” he muttered. “Real nice doesn’t get you very far.” “Real nice can keep you from getting beat up,” I said. He smiled. “Right. Maybe we should both work on it, then. ↗

— Devon Monk

#humor