#humor

Unbelievable! I said, "What would I be doing walking the streets at night as a stuffed olive- gate-crashing cocktail parties? ↗

— Louise Rennison

#humor #lousie-rennison #humor

When we entered the first chamber of the dungeon, the stench made me recoil. It smelled like someone had mixed together kerosene, rotten fruit, stale blood, urine, and dog shit, then blown it up. How had I not noticed this before? I wasn't even breathing, but the rancid odor found its way into my nose anyway. "This place stink." "Did the guards forget to spray Febreze?" Vlad asked in mock indignation. Then he gave me a jaded look. "It s a dungeon, Leila. They re supposed to smell." Mission accomplished. The stench might have actually killed my new appetite. If Hell could fart, it would smell like this. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#funny

So you love me," said Petra softly when the kiss ended. I'm a raging mass of hormones thet I'm too young to understand," said Bean. "You're a female of a closely related species. According to all the best primatologists, I really have no choice." That's nice," she said... ↗

— Orson Scott Card

#humor #love #humor

Wet towel under the door,' said Barry. 'It's what you do when you're smoking weed in a hotel and you don't want everyone calling security. You're always supposed to have a towel. I read about it in a guide for hitchhiking through the galaxy. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor #humor

The moment seemed endless, but it was probably only half that. ↗

— Steve Toltz

#humor #relativity #suspense #time #humor

What the semicolon's anxious supporters fret about is the tendency of contemporary writers to use a dash instead of a semicolon and thus precipitate the end of the world. Are they being alarmist? ↗

— Lynne Truss

#english-language #grammar #humor #lynne-truss #punctuation

TANDAAN: your mind is your weapon. Pagyamanin natin ito at magiging handa tayo sa gulo na dulot ng paghihimagsik ng puso at bird. ↗

— Ramon Bautista

#love #humor

Amber laughed. "What makes you think I'd marry you?" "What makes you think you'd have a choice?" "I'm not into bad guys," she said. ↗

— Jayde Scott

#humor #inspirational #romance #humor

Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention." [Shrub Flubs His Dub, The Nation, June 18, 2001] ↗

— Molly Ivins

#george-w-bush #humor #politics #presidents #texas

To think I should have lived to be goodmorninged by Belladonna Took's son, as if I was selling buttons at the door! ↗

— J.R.R. Tolkien

#morning #humor