#humor

I love Shark Week, where all kids under 12 swim for free ↗

— Josh Stern

#free #humor #kids #shark-week #swim

First, I'm not getting married, so you can forget the wife. Second, if I was insane enough to get married, I wouldn't have kids. Third, if I was insane enough to get married and have kids, it would be a cold day in hell I'd let you babysit. ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#kids #love #marriage #parents #love

Colt, you’re a cop. I’m fairly certain you realize what you are proposing is illegal. As in bigamy.” He laughed. “You don’t legally marry us both. Just one of us. Then the three of us make our own private vows.” “Fine,” she leaned back and gave him a smug look as if expecting her next question to jar some sense into them. “Who am I going to legally marry?” He grinned at her transparency. Obviously, she thought this was going to be a sticking point. “We’ll arm wrestle to decide that. ↗

— Mari Carr

#marriage #menage #marriage

Thank God (my wife) and I were both born poor so the concept of fidelity was allowed to take root in us. ↗

— Allan Wolf

#fidelity #humor #marriage #poor #spirit

The bride will keep her name and, after considerable negotiation, the groom will, too. ↗

— Meg Waite Clayton

#marriage #marriage

Crying all the time had made her more beautiful. Grief will do that sometimes. Not for me. Loretta had left months ago and I still looked like hell. ↗

— Junot Díaz

#beauty

A sure romance killer is to NOT shut the bathroom door. ↗

— Toni Sorenson

#love

My wife was always nagging me to wear my seat belt. I got tired of listening, so I spotted a pedestrian to take my place. As we passed each other through the windshield, I handed off my wedding ring. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #hit-and-runs #humor #marriage #marriage

Marriage is the legal method devised to end love without pain. ↗

— Tom Morrison

#romance #satire #stock-market #love

I still found literary criticism to be a suspect activity ↗

— Alison Bechdel

#humor