#humor

Reyna looked at Percy without much hope. “You do have a plan?” Percy wanted to step forward bravely and say, No, I don’t! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#percy-jackson #percy-jackson-and-the-olympians #plans #reyna #the-heroes-of-olympus

Cheer Up the worst is yet to come! ↗

— Barbara Johnson

#inspirational #humor

You can hear now. Your inner ear is formed. I shout "I love you" into the bedroom. Then I feel stupid. Then I don't. This is pretty much the story of my life. ↗

— Suzanne Finnamore

#pregnancy #humor

When I was 14, a camp counselor explained what "eating out" was and I vowed to never have it done to me. It seemed cannibalistic and unhygienic. I also remember that she claimed--in front of an entire cabin of girls--to have been "eaten out" by one of the maintenance men in a hot tub. Under hot water. Either something is amiss in my memory of this conversation or she found the most talented man on the planet and all hope is lost for the rest of us. ↗

— Sloane Crosley

#humor

I'm bored," he says. "So go home." "I don't want to. What do you do when you're bored? You don't have Internet or TV. Do you just sit around all day and think about how hot I am? ↗

— Colleen Hoover

#holder #humor #shy #humor

I know the Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider can't fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely. We would call it "sir" because it would be the dominant species on the planet. None of us would leave the house unless a Goliath Fucking Bird-Eating Spider said it was okay ↗

— David Wong

#humor

Very well,” Beatrix said reluctantly. “But I warn you, they may be resistant to the match.” “I’m resistant to the match,” Christopher informed her. “At least we’ll have that in common. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #proposal #humor

Songwriting is a bitch. And then it has puppies ↗

— Steven Tyler

#humor #music #songwriting #humor

Let me guess, Jessie. You ran across some poor woman in the park who had the misfortune of wearing a gown that clashed with yours, so you slit her throat with that clever little parasol of yours. Do I have it right?” Jessamine bared her teeth at him. “You’re being ridiculous.” “You are, you know,” Charlotte told him. “I mean, I’m wearing blue. Blue goes with everything,” Jessamine went on. “Which, really, you ought to know. You’re vain enough about your own clothes.” “Blue does not go with everything,” Will told her. “It does not go with red, for instance.” “I have a red and blue striped waistcoat,” Henry interjected, reaching for the peas. “And if that isn’t proof that those two colors should never be seen together under Heaven, I don’t know what is. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#will-herondale #humor

Did you take Joyce's engine?' 'My instructions were to disable the car, but one of the men bet Hal a burger he couldn't get the engine out. So Hal removed the engine. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor