#humor

For better or for worse, but not for lunch,... ↗

— Abigail Thomas

#marriage #relationships #humor

Talk Back? That's really what it's called? You're supposed to walk into some church basement and say, 'I'm here to learn how to Talk Back'? ↗

— Catherine Gilbert Murdock

#humor

Has she glanced you way yet?" Twice," Nick said on a note of satisfaction. Meaning?" Nick glanced at him. "She's not completely disinterested." I see Moreland. That makes it an even half dozen hanging out for a rich wife. Four looking for their second. Rossman, the old satyr, certainly isn't likely to be much competition. What in the hell does he think he's doing anyway? He must be sixty." Basking, I should think. She hasn't given him the cold shoulder yet," Nick responded coolly. ↗

— Jaide Fox

#courting #humor #romance #humor

Single guys can easily simulate some of the joys of marriage simply by installing one of those GPS devices that use a woman's voice. ↗

— Barry Parham

#humor #humor

Gwen: It's not going to work. Paul: Pardon me? Gwen: Cinderella's not going to sleep with you because you're taking the ugly stepsister to the ball. She'll still make you wait. ↗

— Jo Leigh

#humor #romance #humor

I just peed in the sink. Why? Because there was already somebody in the bathtub.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bathtub #humor #pee #sink #humor

If only I had the speed that my alien boyfriend had, then I could just zip through my senior year and forget about distance and mom’s annoyingly great sense of hearing. But when said alien boyfriend was in my bed, I wanted nothing more than the opposite speed. I wanted to freeze time to keep everything just the way it was. ↗

— Magan Vernon

#humor #teen-romance #young-adult #humor

If you're fixin' to get yourself a good stallion, don't go lookin' in the donkey corral ↗

— Ciji Ware

#humor

We took a right at the fork, heading farther north. The charred houses continued. To the right, a large sign nailed to an old telephone post shouted DANGER in huge red letters. Underneath in crisp black letters was written: IM-1: Infectious Magic Area Do Not Enter Authorized Personnel Only A second smaller sign under the first one, written on a piece of plastic with permanent marker, read: Keep out, stupid. “We aren’t going to keep out, are we?” Ascanio asked. “No.” “Awesome. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humor

Where did you get that candy again?" Leven asked, worried. "The pile said 'flavored'," Clover answered back, his face a chocolatey mess. "Flavored?" Leven said exasperated. "Are you sure?" "Yes," Clover argued. "F-l-a-w-e-d--flavored. ↗

— Obert Skye

#humor #humor