#humor

Hmm…now that I think about it, housecats are often coddled and petted. You don’t pet me nearly enough. You must be a lax owner. How selfish of you to deprive your cat of attention. ↗

— Colleen Houck

#love #romance #humor

You look like the vamp who bled the cat. ↗

— Kim Harrison

#humor #ivy #rachel-morgan #romance #vampire

I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell. ↗

— Harry S. Truman

#inspirational #leaders #presidents #humor

The kiss originated when the first male reptile licked the first female reptile, implying in a subtle way that she was as succulent as the small reptile he had for dinner the night before. ↗

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

#humor

Don't talk, Anderson. You lower the IQ of the entire street every time you open your mouth. ↗

— Sherlock Holmes

#humor #sherlock-holmes #watson #humor

Use a condom. The world doesn't need another you. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#condoms #humorous-comebacks #insult #humor

We've both got into the blue beetle. He got into the red door, I got into the white one. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

You can't save everyone, though God knows you try. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#humor #humor

I feel an almost overwhelming interest in the methods of daylight abduction employed by the modern youth. ↗

— Georgette Heyer

#humor #modern-youth #humor

Why is it no one sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my luck to get one perfect rose. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor