#humour

He punched me in the face," Ash said, who understandably did not seem to find the situation humorous at all. "And then he yelled at me for sleeping with our personal trainer!" "I was told breakup scenes were a good way to distract people," Jared said with beautiful simplicity. "Ash looked so surprised," Holly said. "He had no idea what was going on. He said, 'I didn't sleep with our personal trainer! We don't even have a personal trainer!'" Angela and Holly giggled. Ash held the back of his hand to his bleeding mouth and glared. Jared was still grinning like a maniac. "In that case," he told Ash solemnly, "I will consider taking you back. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#ash #break-ups #cousins #distractions #holly

Those pizzas I ate were for medicinal purposes. ↗

— Amy Neftzger

#humourous #pizza #humor

Did you just seriously quote Grease? I think I'm gonna have to revoke your man card. ↗

— Elizabeth Sharp

#humour #humor

Honest to God, she was the noisiest woman he'd ever been shot at with. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humour #romance #romantic-suspense #funny

She whispers in my ear: ‘"Tell me that you wan' fuck me hard, make me sweat." In the excitement, she misses out a word. "I want to fuck you so hard that your body drips with sweat," I say, grammatically. ↗

— Joe Dunthorne

#humour #sex #grammar

I think that my ideas of the world are that it's random and cruel but kind of quite comical really, and therefore the humour, in a sense, springs from that. ↗

— Alexei Sayle

#humour #i #i think #ideas #kind

Humour has always been a self-defence mechanism for me. ↗

— Brooke Shields

#been #humour #me #mechanism #self-defence

Lord, my hands were made for blessing, but not my feet! ↗

— Giovannino Guareschi

#don-camillo #humour #italy #priesthood #catholicism

When synchronised swimming first appeared on TV, we laughed very heartily, and I, for one, applauded the decision to introduce humour into the Olympics. ↗

— Arthur Smith

#applauded #decision #first #heartily #humour

Need to get to Ruislip by sparrow-fart though', said the squadron leader. 'Think you can do that? Can I come along for the ride? ↗

— Robert Rankin

#ridiculous #science-fiction #science