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#humour

Read through the most famous quotes by topic #humour




They keep saying that sea levels are rising an' all this. It's nowt to do with the icebergs melting, it's because there's too many fish in it. Get rid of some of the fish and the water will drop. Simple. Basic science.


Karl Pilkington


#environmentalism #fish #humour #ocean #science

Oh, come on Em." He stopped walking and looked me in the eyes. His own were dark and shiny. "You know how I feel about you," he muttered. "I do?" He stepped closer and whispered, "When you're around, music plays in my head." My eyes welled. "Music," I repeated softly. "Well, you know." He grinned. "It's the Jaws theme. Da dum. Da dum.


Jennifer Jabaley


#humour #lipstick #music

I can't believe she's lived this long. God must be avoiding her.


Brian Francis


#mother-in-law #nature

When she emerged, Keith was watching the tiny round window of the under-the-counter washing machine. "Put your clothes in for a wash," he said. "They were disgusting." Ginny always thought that the only way of getting clothes clean was by drowning them in scalding water and then whipping them around in a violent centrifugal motion that caused the entire washing machine to vibrate and the floor to shake. You beat them clean. You made them suffer. This machine used about half a cup of water and was about as violent as a toaster, plus it stopped every few minutes, as if it were exhausted from the effort of turning itself. Sluff, sluff, sluff sluff. Rest. Rest. Rest. Click. Sluff, sluff, sluff, sluff. Rest. Rest. Rest. "Who thought to put a window on a washing machine?" Keith asked. "Does anyone just sit and watch their wash?" You mean, besides us?" "Well," he said, "yeah. Is there any coffee?


Maureen Johnson


#ginny #humor #humour #keith #funny

people say me that choose the career in which you have interest.. i don't know that when i have not done something how i can have interest in that??? i think interest must be DEVELOPED!!


vineet asopa


#inspirational #inspirational

Why be ordinary when you can be extraordinary?


Alan Dapre


#inspirational #motivational #inspirational

Most men are not wicked... They are sleep-walkers, not evil evildoers.


Franz Kafka


#philosophical #satire #men

I gather you yellow-skinned men, despite your triumphs in sewage, drinking water, and Olympic gold medals, still don't have democracy. Some politician on the radio was saying that that's why we Indian are going to beat you: we may not have sewage, drinking water, and Olympic gold medals, but we do have democracy. If I were making a country, I'd get the sewage pipes first, then the democracy, then I'd go about giving pamphlets and statues of Gandhi to other people, but what do I know? I am just a murderer!


Aravind Adiga


#humour #politics #men

I know it’s not the right thing to say to a lady, miss, but you are sweating like a pig!" "My mother always said that horses sweat, men perspire, and ladies merely glow…" "Is that so? Well, miss, you are glowing like a pig!


Terry Pratchett


#men

Women treat us [men] like humanity treats gods – they worship us and keep bothering us to do something.


Oscar Wilde


#humour #mythology #men






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