#humour

Personally, I think knees should be kept for the eighth or ninth date, or the wedding day. As a nice surprise you know? 'oh, my darling, you have knees! I never would have thought ↗

— Derek Landy

#dating

Neither of the two people in the room paid any attention to the way I came in, although only one of them was dead. ↗

— Raymond Chandler

#humour #death

The witch's hair was too short and too dark for blond. She wasn't sure if that relieved her or disturbed her. Riley had immediately begun his interrogation, and it had gone something like this: Riley: Where is the meeting between your kind and Aden Stone supposed to take place? Witch: Go suck yourself. Riley: Maybe later. Meeting? Witch: Enjoy death. Riley: I have once already. Now, decide to talk or lose a body part. Witch: May I recommend a finger? Riley: Sure. After I take one of your very necessary hands. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#gena-showalter #humour #mary-ann #riley #death

Have I missed a national holiday? There must be celebrations in the streets for you to be home at this hour of the day." "I'm calling it Summerset Goes Mute Day. The city's gone mad with joy. ↗

— J.D. Robb

#humour #summerset #death

Of course I want to kill you," said Skulduggery. "I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to. ↗

— Derek Landy

#death #dialogue #field #humour #nobody-to-talk-to

Shall we proceed, and ought I do so with my knife drawn?” “You’d better keep it where it is for the moment,” he said. “Otherwise you might stab me to death accidentally.” . “If I stab you to death,” she said, “it will not be accidental. ↗

— Loretta Chase

#death

Gabriel shuffled around the trunk again, searching for faux arrows—arrows designed to injure but not kill. “All these arrows are sharp—and have blood on them.” “Yes, well, I left my cotton candy arrows at home next to my teddy bear.” Gabriel turned to Tristan. “We’re not going to kill that guy.” “We might.” “Tristan, that’s homicide.” “It’s self defense.” “It’s not self defense. He didn’t come after you.” “But he came after Scarlet. And, technically, Scarlet is a piece of me. So, yeah. It’s self-defense. Are you coming with me or not?” “I don’t want to kill him. I just want to hurt him. Or detain him.” “Or maybe you could just give him a big hug.”Tristan started marching into the woods. “You can stay there and clean weapons or whatever, but I’m going after our intruder. ↗

— Chelsea Fine

#design

For my last birthday, Dad bought me a pocket-sized Collins English Dictionary. It would only fit in a pocket that had been specially designed. ↗

— Joe Dunthorne

#design

Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the Weather. ↗

— Bill Hicks

#philosophy #death

There is a certain amount which I shan't mention publicly," Elizabeth said. "Things about Lucia which I should never dream of stating openly." "Those are just the ones I should like to hear about most," said Diva. "Just a few little titbits. ↗

— E.F. Benson

#humour #dreams