#humour

He wants as many victors as possible for the cameras to follow in the Capitol. Thinks it makes for better television." "Are you and Beetee going?" I ask. "As many young and attractive victors as possible," Haymitch corrects himself. "So, no. We'll be here. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#humour #katniss-everdeen #television

I'd blow someone for a valium," I said in Jacob's ear. "Maybe he's got one... but try offering a hand-job first so you retain some leverage. ↗

— Jordan Castillo Price

#television

THAT'S IT!" Terminus cried. "That's AGAINST THE RULES!" Polybotes frowned, obviously confused that he was being told off by a statue. "What are you?" he growled. "Shut up!" He pushed the statue over and turned back to Percy. "Now I'm MAD!" Terminus shrieked. "I'm strangling you. Feel that? Those are my hands around your neck, you big bully. Get over here! I'm going to head-butt you so hard-- ↗

— Rick Riordan

#fiction-fantasy #humour #percy-jackson #polybotes #rick-riordan

I want a baby of my very own one day, but it seems that my being male is a BIIIIT of a problem. ↗

— Yana Toboso

#grell #humour #comedy

Hey! Jack the Wanker! Over here! I want your autograph! ↗

— Maureen Johnson

#london

Big flashy things have my name written all over them. Well... not yet, give me time and a crayon. ↗

— Matt Smith

#big-flashy-things #doctor-who #humour #matt-smith #christmas

Whatever, crazy chick who maybe lives here and maybe also breaks into Michael's house when they're all gone. I'm out. Have a nice delusion. -Shayne ↗

— Rachel Caine

#delusion #humour #morganville-vampires #ghost

Does it give you déjà voodoo how alike the houses are?" "That's déjà vu, and I hate you right now ↗

— Rachel Caine

#humour #ghost

Sure you can manage that broom, Potter?" said a cold, drawling voice. Draco Malfoy had arrived for a closer look, Crabbe and Goyle right behind him. "Yeah, reckon so," said Harry casually. "Got plenty of special features, hasn't it?" said Malfoy, eyes glittering maliciously. "Shame it doesn't come with a parachute - in case you get too near a Dementor." Crabbe and Goyle sniggered. "Pity you can't attach an extra arm to yours, Malfoy," said Harry. "Then it could catch the Snitch for you. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #humour #snitch #prison

Cat, you asked me before to find out if those dream -suppression pills had any side effects. I’ve checked with Pathology, and they said you might experience depression, mood swings, irritability, paranoia, and chronic fatigue. Have you noticed any of that? ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#humour #urban-fantasy #dreams