#i

No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor #politics #humor

It wasn't the tequila and oxy. You really are that fucking gorgeous. ↗

— Adrian Phoenix

#dante #humor #in-the-blood #humor

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. ↗

— Dennis Miller

#fat #found #get #likely #more

The more you ignore me, the closer I get; you're wasting your time. ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor

By Aladdin's lamplit scrotum, man! Everything is a story. What is there but stories? Stories are the only truth. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#stories #story #humor

YOU are the big drop of dew under the lotus leaf, I am the smaller one on its upper side,' said the dewdrop to the lake. ↗

— Rabindranath Tagore

#humour #inspirational #philosophy #stray-birds #humor

Simply put, dramatic irony is when a person makes a harmless remark, and someone else who hears it knows something that makes the remark have a different, and usually unpleasant, meaning. For instance, if you were in a restaurant and said out loud, "I can't wait to eat the veal marsala I ordered," and there were people around who knew that the veal marsala was poisoned and that you would die as soon as you took a bite, your situation would be one of dramatic irony. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#irony #humor

I am ever a gentle maiden," she shouted. "Damn if I'm not. ↗

— Julie Garwood

#humor #julie-garwood #romance-novels #humor

If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music. ↗

— Marcus Brigstocke

#humor #influence #joke #video-games #humor

This was supposed to be yesterday. I was sitting on the Cardiff/London train, supposedly about to write this very column, and realising something quite terrible. My head was entirely empty. A vast echoing void. Bigger on the inside, but with nothing in it. You could drop a pebble in my brain and wait for an hour to hear it land. No actually, you couldn't - that would be aggressive and unhelpful, so keep your damn pebbles to yourself. ↗

— Steven Moffat

#humor #humour #magazine #pebbles #train