#ice

Are you going to answer my questions, or do I have to whack you with a stick until delicious candy surprises fall out? ↗

— Molly Harper

#jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #pinata #questions

Leaving knots untied and scattering seeds to distract them will only work on vampires with OCD. ↗

— Molly Harper

#jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs #ocd #funny

Qmail out of the box works fine, so people will want to use it regardless of licensing restrictions, even when the software does not ship with their system software. ↗

— Wietse Venema

#does #even #fine #licensing #out

You couldn't be satisfied with being an amateur asshole, could you, Jimbo! You had to go and turn pro on me! ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#police #humor

Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once. ↗

— Tallulah Bankhead

#sex #vice #humor

Ah, Signor Halt,' he said uncertainly, 'you are making a joke, yes?' 'He is making a joke, no,' Will said. 'But he likes to think he is making a joke, yes. ↗

— John Flanagan

#jokes #ranger-s-apprentice #humor

If you drink much from a bottle marked 'poison' it is certain to disagree with you sooner or later. ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#humor #humor

The advice that I usually give to young actors is that if you can create a character for the stage and keep that character fresh for at least 6 months that means you're doing the show eight times a week. ↗

— Joe Morton

#character #create #doing #eight #fresh

The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised. ↗

— George Will

#being #constantly #either #nice #part

The problem with winter sports is that -- follow me closely here -- they generally take place in winter. ↗

— Dave Barry

#humor #ice-fishing #ice-skating #skiing #snow-camping