#in

No one believes a liar. Even when she's telling the truth. ↗

— Sara Shepard

#liar #lying #truth #humor

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up. ↗

— Ray Romano

#humor #parenting #humor

I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#grandmother #humor #silly #table-dancing #funny

I am not sure I trust you." "You can trust me with your life, My King." "But not with my wine, obviously. Give it back. ↗

— Megan Whalen Turner

#humor #wine #humor

If all the girls attending [the Yale prom] were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#harvard #humor #innuendo #naughty #yale

I want to leave a mark. But Van Houten: The marks humans leave are too often scars. ↗

— John Green

#leave-a-mark #scars #van-houten-being-a-douche #the-fault-in-our-stars

Myrnin, who hadn't said much, suddenly reached out and wrapped his arms around her. She stiffened, shocked, and for a panicked second wondered whether he'd suddenly decided to snack on her neck... but it was just a hug. His body felt cold against hers, and way too close, but then he let go and stepped back. "You've done very well. I'm extremely proud of you," he said. There was a touch of color high in his pale cheeks. "Do go home now. And shower. You reek like the dead." Which, coming from a vampire, was pretty rich. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #ghost-town #humor #morganville-vampires #myrnin

I like this world. I like drinking champagne. I like not smoking. I like Dutch people speaking Dutch. ↗

— John Green

#the-fault-in-our-stars

Christian is staring at us. He’s an only child and could never understand the delicate joys of sibling abuse. ↗

— Cynthia Hand

#siblings #humor

There are three trips you take to India: the one you think you’re going to have – that you plan for; the one you actually have; and the one you live through once you go back home. ↗

— Erin Reese

#travel #home