#is

Could he actually be a decent guy? Hard to imagine. He was pretty to look at, though, she thought. Boys weren't objectified nearly enough, and turnabout is always fair play. ↗

— Daniel Marks

#funny #funny

That will be her undoing," gasped Artemis, already suffering under the weight of the flak jacket. "Artemis Fowl will never be secondary." "I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?" said Holly. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#artemis-fowl-the- #funny

A politician is a politician whether he's wearing a suit or a funny hat. ↗

— Reza Aslan

#hamid-karzai #politicians #politics #funny

Dwarfs were not a naturally religious species, but in a world where pit props could crack without warning and pockets of fire damp could suddenly explode they'd seen the need for gods as the sort of supernatural equivalent of a hard hat. Besides, when you hit your thumb with an eight-pound hammer it's nice to be able to blaspheme. It takes a very special and strong-minded kind of atheist to jump up and down with their hand clasped under their other armpit and shout, "Oh, random-fluctuations-in-the-space-time-continuum!" or "Aaargh, primitive-and-outmoded-concept on a crutch! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#funny #humour #religion #funny

Seven smirked as he walked back over to me. "I gave you catharsis last night. Twice. ↗

— T.J. Klune

#catharsis #funny #humor #funny

Ellis: "What's so funny?" Skyla: You're funny," I say. "You look real scary. I bet your mom's proud, though." I don't know why I add that last bit, I just do. ↗

— Addison Moore

#skyla #funny

Funny thing how it is. If a man owns a little property, that property is him, it's part of him, and it's like him. If he owns property only so he can walk on it and handle it and be sad when it isn't doing well, and feel fine when the rain falls on it, that property is him, and some way he's bigger because he owns it. Even if he isn't successful he's big with his property. That is so.' 'But let a man get property he doesn't see, or can't take time to get his fingers in, or can't be there to walk on it - why, then the property is the man. He can't do what he wants, he can't think what he wants. The property is the man, stronger than he is. And he is small, not big. Only his possessions are big - and he's the servant of his property. That is so, too. ↗

— John Steinbeck

#ownership #funny

When learning English as a second language, be sure to garble small words out of order in incomplete sentences. Then you'll have achieved the proficiency of a native speaker. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #grammar #humor #funny

He had the prettiest hair she had ever seen on a man: dark brown, almost black, and soft like sable, it fell down to his shoulders. She wondered what he'd do if she threw some mud in it. Probably kill her. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#cerise #funny #hair #ilona-andrews #the-edge

If my name were C. Ross, I’d definitely be religious. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #religion #funny