#it

He seemed only ... annoyed. Annoyed, and sweaty, and hot. "Yeah, well," he said, "the next time you decide to sneak out of our magically warded apartment through a door that shouldn't really exist, leave a note. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#cassandra-clare #city-of-lost-souls #clary-fray #humor #jace-lightwood

You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day". Yeah, looks like He rushed it ↗

— Bill Hicks

#christians #comedy #creationism #creationists #funny

Excellent posture is the most important personality trait in an effective salesman. It allows him to pass for a vertebrate. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #personality #posture #salesmen #vertebrates

Thank you adult mittens, for allowing me to give people the finger without them knowing it. ↗

— Jimmy Fallon

#humor #mittens #the-finger #funny

It’s a funny thing about writing. You get so balled up in a story idea that you lose your perspective and forget that human being might read your words someday. ↗

— Gary Reilly

#funny

Men are Like Guns They Shoot someone and broke them into pieces inside. ↗

— Loise Morales

#men

I like to write in poorly lit conditions. It allows darkness to creep into my humor, and bad eyesight to excuse me from accountability. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #writing #funny

I sat down and tried to write a story. "Ian MacArthur is a wonderful sweet fellow who wears glasses and peers out of them with delight." That was the first sentence. The problem was that I just couldn't think of the next one. After cleaning my room three times, I decided to leave Ian alone for a while because I was starting to get mad at him. ↗

— Stephen Chbosky

#funny #humor #writer-s-block #writing #writing-process

She's packed her topside fundamentals so tight into her low-cut dress that it's only a matter of time before she busts her banks. ↗

— Moira Young

#lilith-and-meg #funny

Autobiography is the most objective genre of historical fiction there is. I would consider it a scientific method, but as it doesn’t involve making hypotheses it is far more accurate. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #objectivity #science #funny