#ki

The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#attacked #children #funny #humor #kids

This shit is easy peasy, pumpkin peasy, pumpkin pie, muthafucka! ↗

— Gerard Way

#gerardway #peasy #pie #pumpkins #funny

Vampires. They wrote the book on possessive. ↗

— Charlaine Harris

#sookie-eric #funny

Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#holding-hands #humor #life #love #lovers

I once got attacked by a bearskin rug, two days before it was a rug. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bear #bearskin-rug #funny #funny

A Kiss is a terrible name for a piece of chocolate shaped like a water droplet, because kisses are hot and would melt chocolate—even if it is wearing an astronaut suit made out of tinfoil.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#chocolate #funny #humor #kiss #melt

I want to mail my mailman something. He always brings me mail, yet I never give him any mail. Maybe he will appreciate the thought, or maybe he will feel I am making more work for him. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#considerate #funny #humor #jarod-kintz #mail

I was a militant smoker, and in my case, I think I particularly used smoking because what I felt was a kind of politically correct big brother assault on smoking. ↗

— Joe Eszterhas

#because #big #big brother #brother #case

You'll blow up a helicopter, but you won't go out with me? What is wrong with you? ↗

— Meg Cabot

#funny #jess-mastriani #relationships #rob-wilkins #when-lightning-strikes

Once we get into the groove, we're kind of like long-distance runners - that adrenalin kicks in for me and I just keep running - and I don't stop! ↗

— Keith Urban

#get #groove #i #into #just