#kid

Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God. ↗

— Scott Dikkers

#atheism #childhood #humor #kids #parenting

My new apartment might be a place where there are lots of children. They might gather on my porch to play, and when I step out for groceries, they will ask me, "Hi, do you have any kids?" and then, "Why not, don't you like kids?" "I like kids," I will explain. "I like kids very much." And when I almost run over them with my car, in my driveway, I will feel many different things. ↗

— Lorrie Moore

#kids #humor

Wait till it’s my turn to tell the story! They’ll be like ‘Bear who? ↗

— T.J. Klune

#the-kid #humor

I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China! ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#factory #funny #humor #kids #labor

I've got nine kids, nine dogs, three grandkids - and one in the oven. And three parrots! ↗

— Michael Landon

#got #grandkids #i #kids #nine

If kids six and under eat free, then I’m an infant. Or at least infantile. Bring on the steaks.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cheap #cheater #children #dinner #discount

No matter how strong you are, you cannot hold open the jaws of a great-white shark with your bare hands... that can do your brain. ↗

— Ivan Stoikov

#books #fantasy #fiction #humour #kids-funny-business

I was inspired to write Countdown 'til Daddy Comes Home when I searched for books to help my 4 year daughter cope with her father deploying to Afghanistan and found nothing that quite fit our situation. My book is not only a great story for kids it has real suggestions for parents on how to keep you family connected during deployments or frequent business travel. ↗

— Kristin Ayyar

#deployment #military-family #military-kids #miss-daddy #traveling-parent

I think that the best thing we can do for our children is to allow them to do things for themselves, allow them to be strong, allow them to experience life on their own terms, allow them to take the subway...let them be better people, let them believe more in themselves. ↗

— C. JoyBell C.

#children #fatherhood #growing-up #inspirational #inspirational-life

Any kid what begs for a whippin' can find one. ↗

— Carolyn Brown

#whooping #love