#kin

Most fools drink after one another, from a thinking cup that is empty. But I only drink after people whose cups are filled with a fluid to fascination ratio of nearly 1:1. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fascination #funny #thinking #funny

Now listen, we need to be quiet as mice. No, quieter than that. As quiet as...as..." "Dead mice?" Reynie suggested. "Perfect," said Kate with an approving nod. "As quiet as dead mice. ↗

— Trenton Lee Stewart

#funny #mice #silence #sneaking #funny

Pops: How about you finish this sentence for me, Jason? When a girl says no she means... Justin, looking desperately at me: No? Nana: Are you sure? Justin, shifting uncomfortably: I'm sure. No means no. Nana: Well look at you. You got one right. Now here's another, even tougher sentence for you to finish. Premarital sex is... Me: Nana! I'm so sorry Justin. Nana: Unlike Pops, I'm not moving on. Justin? Pops: His name is Jason. Justin:Uh....uh.... Pops: While you think about that, why don't you tell me how you feel about drinking and driving? Justin: I'm totally against it, I swear! Nana: Methinks he protests too much. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#drinking #funny #justin #zombieland #dating

You know, poets and songwriters have long known that people like repetition. You know, poets and songwriters have long known that people like repetition. I guess when I say people, I mean everyone but my Grandfather. He hated anything that was so monotonous as repetition. That’s why he loathed walking so much. Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot, and on and on. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #poets #repitition #songwriters #walking

I like how you don't hide your problems like everyone else, and I don't have to hide mine when I'm around you. ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#its-kind-of-a-funny-story #ned-vizinni #funny

You've done what?" "I know," he said. "You're impressed. You send me out for bread and I come back with a boy. Well, not literally. That would be weird. Even for me. ↗

— Derek Landy

#humour #kingdom-of-the-wicked #skulduggery #valykrie #funny

So now live for real, Craig. Live. Live. Live. Live. ↗

— Ned Vizzini

#funny

I’ve come to ask you where Seth is.” "Funny,” said Andrea. “We were going to ask you the same thing.” I was taken aback. “How would I know?” They both just stared. "I don’t! ↗

— Richelle Mead

#georgina-kincaid #terry-mortensen #funny

I think it would be rewarding to be a professional non-thinker, because I’m always trying to do the exact opposite of work. So I might as well spend eight hours a day deep in thought. Plus, I think it would be marvelous to hear my boss scream, “What are you doing thinking? Get back to work. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #strange #thinking #funny

Thank you for helping my sister,” he says. I lean forward, mimicking his position. “I’m happy to.” Calliope leans out her window. “STOP FLIRTING AND GET BACK TO WORK. ↗

— Stephanie Perkins

#cricket #flirt #funny #lola #lola-and-the-boy-next-door