#l

You should have told her differently,' said Hermione, still with that maddeningly patient air. 'You should have said it was really annoying, but I'd made you promise to come along to the Three Broomsticks, and you really didn't want to go, you'd much rather spend the whole day with her, but unfortunately you thought you really ought to meet me and would she please, please come along with you, and hopefully you'd be able to get away more quickly? And it might have been a good idea to mention how ugly you think I am too,' Hermione added as an afterthought. 'But I don't think you're ugly,' said Harry, bemused. Hermione laughed. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #hermione-granger #humor #order-of-the-phoenix #humor

Sidekick? Fuck you, porky. ↗

— Julie James

#insults #name-calling #humor

Also, I feel that crying is almost--like, aside from deaths of relatives or whatever-- totally avoidable if you follow two very simple rules: 1.Don't care too much. 2. Shut up. Everything unfortunate that has ever happened to me has stemmed from failure to follow one of the rules. ↗

— John Green

#death

Ever since her trip with Alexia to Scotland, Mrs. Tunstell had rather a taste for foreign travel. Alexia blamed it on the kilts. ↗

— Gail Carriger

#kilt #humor

Dying is only one thing to be sad over. Living unhappily is something else. ↗

— Mitch Albom

#life #death

I think you have a pact with an audience in every picture, and I think the pact is to try and be truthful and to be real. ↗

— James L. Brooks

#be real #every #i #i think #pact

You're a punk?' 'What?' 'What do they call people from the eighties?' I asked. 'Oh,' she laughed. It was a beautiful laugh. 'I'm my mother, actually. I mean, these are her clothes from High School. I guess I should tell people I'm Cyndi Lauper though, or something, because dressing up as your mother is pretty lame.' 'I almost dressed up as my mother,' I said, 'but I was worried what my therapist would say.' She laughed again, and I realized that she thought I was joking. It was probably for the best, since telling her the second half of my mom costume - a giant fake butcher knife through the head - would probably freak her out. ↗

— Dan Wells

#humor #john-cleaver #morbid #beauty

So Elizabeth, dare we take the dance floor again in hopes of repeating that splendid performance given by Lydia? ↗

— Elizabeth Eulberg

#humor #humor

Let the doors be shut upon him, that he may play the fool no where but in's own house. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#insult #humor

I have to tell you, Arty, a screw up this early in the proceedings doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence. I hope you’re as clever as you keep telling everyone you are.” “I never tell anybody exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared... ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#fantasy #humor #humor