#l

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Then find someone who's life is givin' them vodka and have a party! ↗

— Ron White

#humor #inspirational #party #funny

Two things in life are certain: uncertainty, and I’m not sure about the second thing. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#life #funny

Valentine's day without your love is like a year without the Internet. ↗

— Santosh Kalwar

#internet #love #valentines-day #funny

Alright, manly man,” he says. “Go prove that you’re a man. ↗

— Jessica Sorensen

#jessica-sorensen #kayden-and-seth #manly-man #funny

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy. ↗

— Johnny Carson

#entertainment #funny #hollywood #humor #insanity

This means that I don't have to run faster than the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal, I just have to run faster than whoever is with me when the psychotic-maniac-vampire-cannibal starts chasing us. ↗

— Jim Benton

#funny #maniac #psycho #running #vampire

I want to write a book called, "Ten Steps to Asexuality." Of course, I recommend all those steps be taken in Birkenstock sandals. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#book #funny #write #funny

How did you get in?" "I move in mysterious ways." "God moves in mysterious ways. You move like lightning - here one moment, gone the next. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#funny #hush-hush #mysterious-ways #nora-and-patch #nora-grey

You know, I don’t get why Fred and George only got three O.W.L.s each,” said Harry, watching as Fred, George, and Lee collected gold from the eager crowd. “They really know their stuff. . . .” “Oh, they only know flashy stuff that’s no real use to anyone,” said Hermione disparagingly. “No real use?” said Ron in a strained voice. “Hermione, they’ve got about twenty-six Galleons already. . . . ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#funny #george-weasley #useless-talents #funny

I try not to laugh at the fact that even when she’s drunk, she has a hard time saying it. “Where do you want me to take you?” She drops her head back against my chest. “You can just keep carrying me. It’s very relaxing. ↗

— Jessica Sorensen

#funny #jessica-sorensen #kayden-and-callie #funny