#la

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor #misattributed #spoonerism #wordplay #humor

No adolescent ever wants to be understood, which is why they complain about being misunderstood all the time. ↗

— Stephen Fry

#complaints #humor #understanding #humor

I really don't get nervous when I perform -it's more of an exciting feeling than anything else. But put me in a classroom with kids my age and have me take a test and yeah, I'll be nervous! ↗

— Alexa Vega

#anything #classroom #else #exciting #feeling

He's not doing anything he shouldn't be doing, right?" "Like what?" "Like hitting on you." "Ew. No, of course not. He doesn't see me that way." Michael shook his head and went back to his coffee. "What? You think he does?" "Sometimes he looks at you a little... oddly, that's all. Maybe you're right. Maybe he just wants you for your blood." "Again, Ew! What's with you this morning?" "Not enough coffee. ↗

— Rachel Caine

#funny #ghost-town #humor #michael-glass #morganville-vampires

Between hello and goodbye is I love you.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#hello #humor #love #relationships #humor

Can you define "plan" as "a loose sequence of manifestly inadequate observations and conjectures, held together by panic, indecision, and ignorance"? If so, it was a very good plan. ↗

— Jonathan Stroud

#plan #strategy #humor

Anyone who knew the word slattern was worth cultivating as a friend. ↗

— Alan Bradley

#humor #vocabulary #friendship

A study in scarlet, eh? Why shouldn't we use a little art jargon? There's the scarlet thread of murder running through the colourless skein of life, and our duty is to unravel it, and isolate it, and expose every inch of it. ↗

— Arthur Conan Doyle

#colour #exposure #isolation #jargon #life

We scarified a mosquito. I bet that's what did it. It was probably a virgin too. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humor #humor

If there really is such a thing as turning in one's grave, Shakespeare must get a lot of exercise. ↗

— George Orwell

#classics #drama #interpretation #shakespeare #art