#lit

I want to do it too!" (sitting motionless) Nudge: "Nope, you stand out like a fart in a church." Max: (muttering) "Appropriately enough." Iggy: "What about me?" (stands still) Max: "No, you're visible." Iggy: "Am not!" Max: (throws a pinecone at him) "Could I do that if I wouldn't see you? ↗

— James Patterson

#gazzy #humor #iggy #invisibility #max

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. ↗

— Robin P. Williams

#drugs #humor #reality #humor

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons. ↗

— Douglas MacArthur

#military #humor

Folks, it's time to evolve. That's why we're troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything's failing? It's because, um – they're no longer relevant. We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right? ↗

— Bill Hicks

#humor #spirituality #humor

No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor #politics #humor

Literary detection and firearms don't really go hand in hand; pen mighter than the sword and so forth. ↗

— Jasper Fforde

#guns #humor #literature #humor

Never run after a man or a bus, there's always another one in five minutes. ↗

— Cherry Adair

#military #romantic-suspense #humor

There is a tragic flaw in our precious constitution, and I don't know what can be done to fix it. This is it: Only nut cases want to be president. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#politics #humor

Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention." [Shrub Flubs His Dub, The Nation, June 18, 2001] ↗

— Molly Ivins

#george-w-bush #humor #politics #presidents #texas

Icy glares from vampires are far icier than icy glares from people and when the vampire giving you an icy glare is originally from Iceland, you're confronted with the archetypal origin of the term, and you shouldn't be surprised if your core body temperature drops a few degrees. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#humor #humor