#m

Don't worry about being nervous. A lot of vampires have trouble with this from time to time. It happens to everyone." "If I was a forty-year-old man suffering from erectile dysfunction, that would be a great comfort to me, thanks. ↗

— Molly Harper

#erectile-dysfunction #funny #jane-jameson #molly-harper #nice-girls-don-t-have-fangs

She's packed her topside fundamentals so tight into her low-cut dress that it's only a matter of time before she busts her banks. ↗

— Moira Young

#lilith-and-meg #funny

Autobiography is the most objective genre of historical fiction there is. I would consider it a scientific method, but as it doesn’t involve making hypotheses it is far more accurate. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #objectivity #science #funny

Personal discovery is something intimates just don’t ask of one another. If a person could hide their deepest secrets from themselves, how can they be trusted to pass along rumors? ↗

— Bauvard

#gossip #humor #intimacy #secrets #self-actualization

Strangers are only offensive when they offer courteous greetings. It abolishes the impartial judgment needed for a just society. ↗

— Bauvard

#familiarity #funny #humor #justice #strangers

Cosmetics is one of the few masculine refuges a man has left. It is the presentation that makes the predator. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #masculinity #funny

Mortgages are the best way to get people thinking about the afterlife. Corporate realty is an eternal corporeality. ↗

— Bauvard

#heaven #humor #mortgages #real-estate #funny

When one's unconscious is full of vice, nothing realizes inner potential like hypocrisy. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #hypocrisy #potential #self-actualization #vice

When the silent flamingo dances pink with desire, I’ll be there, sipping on owl stares and kitten curls. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #cats #curls #dance #dancing

You look like a hot tamale.” “That’s not really a compliment. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny