#m

Raise a smile and lower stress ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#life #philosophy #wisdom #humor

Do I look like a shallow Summer girl to you?' She tossed her silver hair, offended. 'I’m a Winter Court royal. I kill silly Summer flowerlets with frost when I yawn. ↗

— Vicki Keire

#seasons #supernaturals #humor

It felt like he’d been dragged through the nine circles of hell — by his testicles. ↗

— Kay Berrisford

#erotica #fantasy #humor #m-m-paranormal #m-m-romance

I gave up on cussing - I'd run out of words filthy enough - and just started praying. ↗

— Sarah Monette

#humor #pain #humor

Are you telling me you're cooking me dinner?- Regan Its the quickest way, without physical contact, to get a woman into bed. The kitchen through there? ↗

— Nora Roberts

#romance #humor

As Jack began to climb the stairs, Fiona looked up at her new home. Five stories of stately mansion rose above her head. Heavy molding around the large windows and doors bespoke a quality and craftsmanship that was obvious even in the dim night. “Good God! It’s massive!” Jack paused with his foot on the last step. “I do wish you’d keep those comments until we are in bed, love. I would appreciate them all the more there. ↗

— Karen Hawkins

#sexual-innuendos #humor

From CATS ARE KIND "A man said to the universe, 'Sir, I exist!' 'Excellent,' replied the universe, 'I've been looking for someone to take care of my cats. ↗

— Henry N. Beard

#humor #stephen-crane #humor

It would be easier if they named jeans for celebrities so you'd know exactly what you were getting without even having to try them on. 'Mary-Kate' for itty-bitty jeans that come with a cartoonishly oversized caramel latte cup; 'Angelina Jolie' for jeans that are sold with two tiny Cambodian orphans stitched right into the back pockets; 'Katie Holmes', jeans which spell out 'help me!' in the fabric if you look very closesly; and 'Dina Lohan', self-promoting stage mom of Lindsay, for jeans that look OK from a distance, but when you get closer, are actually transparent. For men, there could be 'David Hasselhoff' jeans, made entirely of cheese, and 'John Mayer' jeans which, when removed, become instantly bored and walk themselves to to the house of next 'it' girl in Hollywood. ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#humor #humor

I'm not lazy. I'm just really gifted, only instead of being good at music or math I'm good at sleeping late. ↗

— Elizabeth Jane Howard

#sleeping-in #humor

You know, there are several gay men on the faculty. Professor Montag makes jelly beans look colorless(...) ↗

— Tara Lain

#gender-stereotypes #homosexuality #humorous #humor