#m

Hey!" Lauren Moffat's voice, sounding noticeably irritated, floated up to us. "What-ew! What's in my hair?" We all three ducked beneath our table so Lauren couldn't see us if she realized what was happening and looked up. I could see her between the slits of the fencing around the balcony, but I knew she couldn't see me. She was shaking out her hair. Becca, crouching across from me, had to put her hands across her mouth to keep from giggling. Jason looked like he was about to pee in his pants, he was trying so hard not to laugh. What's the matter, babe?" Mark came out from beneath the balcony, putting his wallet into his back pocket. There's something--sand or something-in my hair," Lauren said, still fluffing out her hair-which you could tell she didn't want to do, since she flat-ironed it so straight. Mark leaned in closer to examine Lauren's hair. "Looks okay to me," he said. Which just made us laugh harder, until tears were streaming out of the corners of our eyes. ↗

— Meg Cabot

#humor

Are you okay? You seem ...soggy." "Soggy?" "Yes." Heather nodded. "Like you're a depressed spaghetti noodle or something. ↗

— Chelsea Fine

#humor

Listen to me, convict. I have not traveled all this way to listen to your war stories. So shut your trap before I shut it for you. Commander Julius Root ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor

I think a man's "wordplay" can be so fucking sexy!!! I love a good mind fuck!! ↗

— Junnita Jackson

#humor #intelligence #sex #sexy #wordplay

It's not something you tell your single best friend. It'd be like rubbing your nose in the poop of my happiness. ↗

— Shannon Hale

#humor

There's always a bloody ghost. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor

Stop a minute and listen. I know I'm asking the impossible from you, but for once in your life, shut your mouth and open your ears." "I'm not the one talking." Kyrian snarled at him. "Don't get smart with me." "You want me stupid?" "Nick.... ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#humor

I heard that in relativity theory, space and time are the same thing. Einstein discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for his meetings. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

This is the problem with forever friends. They know too much. ↗

— Kristin Hannah

#humor

You know, my sister and I can’t understand what Dawson sees in you. You’re just a silly little human.” His arm shot out so fast it was a blur, picked up a strand of her hair. “And you’re really not even that pretty.” Oh…oh, that stung more than it should have. Tears burned her eyes as she fought to keep her voice level. “I guess it’s a good thing, then. A relationship between us would never work.” His eyes narrowed. “And why is that?” “Because I’m allergic to assholes. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#humor