#mar

The source of all humor is not laughter, but sorrow. ↗

— Mark Twain

#mark-twain #sorrow #humor

If you can spell "Nietzsche" without Google, you deserve a cookie. ↗

— Lauren Leto

#grammar #humor #spelling #humor

Well, in the first place girls never marry the men they flirt with. Girls don't think it right. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #marriage #women #humor

I pressed PLAY and started up Chiron's favorite--the All-Time Greatest Hits of Dean Martin. Suddenly the air was filled with violins and a bunch of guys moaning in Italian. The demon pigeons went nuts. They started flying in circles, running into each other like they wanted to bash their own brains out. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #pigeons #humor

And while we're on the subject of ducks, which we plainly are, the story, 'The Ugly Duckling' ought be banned as the central character wasn't a duckling or he wouldn't have grown up into a swan. He was a cygnet. ↗

— Russell Brand

#grammar-humor #humor

Knock, Knock." "Who's there?" "Olive." "Olive who?" "Olive...ooh. I love you, too," he said, figuring it out. "You can tell me that one anytime you like." He folded her into his arms. ↗

— Jean Ferris

#marigold #olive #love

I love you. You are the object of my affection and the object of my sentence. ↗

— Mignon Fogarty

#humor #humor

New rules. If you are smart enough to live, you won’t hit Charles’s mate in front of his father. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#anna-cornick #bran-cornick #charles-cornick #cry-wolf #defense

Nothing could go wrong because nothing had...I meant "nothing would." No - Then I quit trying to phrase it, realizing that if time travel ever became widespread, English grammar was going to have to add a whole new set of tenses to describe reflexive situations - conjugations that would make the French literary tenses and the Latin historical tenses look simple. ↗

— Robert A. Heinlein

#humor #science-fiction #time-travel #humor

You need to play to your strengths as a couple. Sharing is really awesome when you're messing around with Play-Doh in kindergarten. It's less awesome when you're adults and one of you is good at something and the other person sucks at it. So just let the more skilled person take the reins. ↗

— Peter Scott

#marriage-advice #planning #humor