#mar

She suggested we 'crouch' buck nekkid on the bed or a dresser and leap out at him from the shadows. Now, my husband can't see all that well in the dark. I think if he comes into a darkened bedroom and finds 140 pounds of cellulite hurtling through space at him, he's going to run like the devil. ↗

— Celia Rivenbark

#marriage #sex #humor

And you've got a boy right there who looks at you like he would drink your bathwater if you'd ask him! ↗

— Abbi Glines

#jax #ms-mary #humor

There have been better attempts at marching, and they have been made by penguins. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#marching #humor

Which is him?" The grammar was faulty, maybe, but we could not know, then, that it would go in a book someday. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor #writing #humor

Bride, n. - A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#happiness #humor #marriage #matrimony #satire

I'm married. And pregnant. ↗

— Edan Lepucki

#impromptu-humor #marriage #what-the-hell #humor

That Grace looked annoyed at me. "I didn't say you would go to jail, Junie B.," she said. "I just wish you would say the word correctly, that's all. ↗

— Barbara Park

#humor #humor

Like so many substantial citizens of America, he had married young and kept on marrying, springing from blonde to blonde like the chamois of the Alps leaping from crag to crag. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#humor #marriage #trophy-wives #humor

For better or for worse, but not for lunch,... ↗

— Abigail Thomas

#marriage #relationships #humor

There's a very generous donation in the parish's future if you make this fast. Ten minutes, at the most." Frowning, the man fumbled open his liturgy. "There's an established rite, Your Grace. Marriage must be entered into with solemnity and consideration. I don't know that I can rush--" "Ten minutes. One thousand guineas." The liturgy snapped closed. "Then again, what do a few extra minutes signify to an eternal God?" He beckoned Amelia with a fluttering, papery hand. "Make haste, child. You're about to be married. ↗

— Tessa Dare

#marriage #money #humor