#me

Over time, I have realized that at 20, you can wear too much makeup and people assume you're a slut. Do it at 40 and they think you're a sea witch. ↗

— Melodie Ramone

#women #humor

I’m at the top of my game. And that game is Monopoly. I’m standing on the board right now.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#game #humor #monopoly #pinnacle #humor

You know what love means? It means loving the person you are now and not the person you want someone to be or the person they will be. ↗

— Samantha Stroh Bailey

#humor #romance-funny #romantic-comedy #funny

The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you. ↗

— Criss Jami

#anatomy #biological #biology #brain #cognition

When 1:45 came, half the class left, and Danny Hupfer whispered, "If she gives you a cream puff after we leave, I'm going to kill you" - which was not something that someone headed off to prepare for his bar mitzvah should be thinking. When 1:55 came and the other half of the class left, Meryl Lee whispered, "If she gives you one after we leave, I'm going to do Number 408 to you." I didn't remember what Number 408 was, but it was probably pretty close to what Danny Hupfer had promised. Even Mai Thi looked at me with narrowed eyes and said, "I know your home." Which sounded pretty ominous. ↗

— Gary D. Schmidt

#humor #ominous #threat #worry #humor

With his eyes and those hands there won't be a woman safe in all the world when he starts hunting after the ladies.' 'Courting, dear,' my father corrected gently. 'Semantics,' she shrugged. ↗

— Patrick Rothfuss

#courtship #humor #humour #kingkiller-chronicle #kvothe

She forks up a little nibble and wedges it in her mouth. "Yum," she croaks. Mrs. Wong looks pleased. "It's made with tofu." I can't resist. "Free-range tofu?" My mother looks over at me sharply. Mrs. Wong takes the bait. "Now, Cassidy, tofu isn't an animal," she chides. "It's soy bean curd. Soy bean curd doesn't need to roam free." On the floor below me, Emma lets out a little snort. I nudge her again with my foot. We're both grinning at the thought of a corral somewhere with little cubes of tofu wandering around. "Home, home on the range," I sing to her under my breath. "Where the deer and the tofu roam free... ↗

— Heather Vogel Frederick

#humor #young-adult-fiction #humor

Chocolate, coffee, and ice cream were far more reliable when it came to providing a good time, and at least they would never disappoint me. ↗

— Keri Arthur

#men #humor

Guys don't want women with good taste, guys want women who taste good. ↗

— Sheryl J. Anderson

#love #men #humor

...When a man first awakens, it sometimes takes several moments before he starts thinking clearly." "And here I thought it took several years, perhaps a lifetime for the average man's intellect to kick in. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#gwen #humor #intellect #karen-marie-moning #kiss-of-the-highlander